The shapes are not out of the hellhole that is school just yet, as they’re going to be taking a quiz about the world around them for today’s challenge!
EXT. HARASSMENT HILLS - DAY
Triangle and Nonagon are sitting down chatting. Rectangle walks on over, wanting to also talk to them.
TRIANGLE
(to Nonagon)
-And then she just, like, took out a heck ton of bombs out of nowhere and started throwing them at me!
NONAGON
What?! How did she even carry all of them??
TRIANGLE
Right?! That’s what I’m saying!
Rectangle comes into the scene.
RECTANGLE
Hey guys! Mind if I join?
TRIANGLE
Oh hey Rectangle! Yeah sure, just as long as Nonagon is okay with it.
NONAGON
Oh yeah no it’s fine.
RECTANGLE
Ok!
Rectangle sits down with them.
TRIANGLE
We were just talking about how I lost the first challenge. You know what happened, right?
RECTANGLE
Oh yeah, I was watching from above! It was kind of funny to watch.
NONAGON
Okay, well, what did YOU do, Rectangle?
RECTANGLE
Oh- um… Let’s just say I LET Square win.
TRIANGLE
She threw her sister off the mountain which made her slide all the way to the finish line.
NONAGON
(shocked, surprised)
What?! Hahaha!
TRIANGLE
Say, where IS Square anyways?
RECTANGLE
Uh, I honestly don’t know. She went to hang out with Hexagon and Octagon… I hope she’s not in trouble-
Suddenly, Square is seen flying through the air above them, screaming in fear. The group takes notice of this and looks up in confusion.
NONAGON
What the f-
HEXAGON
(in the distance)
HAHA! It works!
Camera moves to Hexagon and Octagon next to a catapult-like contraption. Hexagon is celebrating that it works while Octagon stands near the contraption, frightened.
HEXAGON
But we can’t just test it once, we have to make sure it works all the time!
Hexagon turns to Octagon.
OCTAGON
Um…
Octagon knows he’s the next test subject.
Camera moves back to Triangle, Nonagon, and Rectangle. Octagon flies above them, leaving them puzzled once again.
In another part of Harassment Hills, Square lies face down on the ground, like she just doesn’t have the willpower to get up and has had enough of everyone’s bullcrap. She’s tired.
Host teleports in front of Square. (GOSH FREAKIN DANG IT HOST)
HOST
(talking to himself)
Ahh… What a beautiful morning. Good weather for the next challenge!
Camera moves to a sort of “Host POV” but Host is still on frame.
HOST
(still talking to himself [what a loser])
The sky is clear with no obstructions except for a… flying Octagon???
There is indeed an Octagon flying right towards Host.
HOST
Maybe I should move out of the w-
Before Host does anything, he is struck by Octagon at full force, sending him to the ground along with Octagon. Host and Octagon go out of frame as he falls.
OPENING ANIMATION
After the intro, Host is just gone while Octagon and Square lay on the ground in silence.
Host teleports back with a bandage above his face.
HOST
Alright, let’s start the challenge now.
SNAP
Host teleports everyone to him. Triangle, Nonagon, and Rectangle are sitting on the ground in a circle, Pentagon is still sleeping, and it looks like Trapezoid was walking.
HOST
It’s time for today’s challenge, everyone!
Pentagon wakes up in a daze.
PENTAGON
(slurred [HE’S NOT DRUNK])
Huh? Oh, the challenge. Sorry guys, I overslept.
OCTAGON
Host, can we do something else that doesn’t involve going places this time?
TRIANGLE
Oh yeah, Octagon’s got a point. Running down a mountain, going to your former workplace, then waiting in darkness for a day… It gets pretty tiring, minus the last bit.
HOST
Well today’s challenge was going to just be a simple quiz show thing.
RECTANGLE
Nice! I finally don’t have to run around looking for things with Square.
HOST
But there IS a twist though, let me explain.
Transitions to an animation assisting in the explanation of the challenge.
HOST
Instead of basing it on whoever presses a button and says the answer first, I’m going to give everyone a chance to get an answer they are satisfied with. Once I have asked the question, you will write your answer on a whiteboard and wait until everyone is finished. Then, all of you will raise your answer up at the same time. If you’re correct, you’ll get a point. Simple as that. The 3 contestants with the least amount of points will be up for voting tonight.
The animation stops and we are now back to reality.
HOST
I don’t care how long it takes for you to think of an answer. Heck, you can even go out of Harassment Hills and to a library or something to fetch your answer!
Hexagon pulls out her phone.
HEXAGON
(talking to herself)
Heh, I’ll just use my phone to get the answers then.
HOST
Oh, thanks for reminding me, Hexagon! No phones.
SNAP
Host snaps and teleports all the phones present over to him. Host smiles in contentment, while all the contestants look at Hexagon with anger.
HEXAGON
… Whoops.
TRIANGLE
(sarcastically)
Thanks, Hexagon.
HOST
Yeah yeah, you guys can fight later, but it’s already noon and I don’t know how long this challenge is going to take.
TRIANGLE
Good idea, Mr. Host. I WILL fight Hexagon. (LMFAO)
HEXAGON
(to Triangle)
You can TRY.
HOST
OKAY! Let’s start now.
Host pulls out the SCREEN-O-TRON 5000, 8 whiteboards, 8 dry erase markers, 8 chairs, and 8 tables. He proceeds to throw them in a way where the SCREEN-O-TRON 5000 lands next to him, the writing materials land in the contestants’ hands, and the tables and chairs line up in a row.
HOST
Everyone sit at a table to get your first question!
Everyone takes a seat.
HOST
Ready for your first question?
HEXAGON
No.
Everyone just silently sits for a couple of seconds.
HOST
(who has had enough of this bullcrap [he’s tired])
Are you ready now?
HEXAGON
Not yet.
Hexagon puts on a devious smile. A few more seconds of silence go by.
HOST
NOW are you-
HEXAGON
Yeah, I was just messing with you.
HOST
Alright. First question. What is the name of the government of the Shapelands?
NONAGON
Pshh, this is easy!
Nonagon and the others write their answers, except Triangle, who wants to get help from her friend.
TRIANGLE
(To Nonagon, shushed)
Psst… Nonagon… I didn’t really pay attention in civics…
NONAGON
(while still writing)
One sec… and… alright, it’s the-
Nonagon whispers the answer to Triangle.
RECTANGLE
(To Square)
Got that, sis?
SQUARE
Of course, unlike you, I actually pay attention. (DAMN)
RECTANGLE
Wh- uh- I pay attention…! Kinda…?
HOST
Okay, seems like everyone’s done…
HEXAGON
I’m not!
HOST
… You being for r-
HEXAGON
No
HOST
(irritated at Hexagon)
Okay… seems like EVERYONE’S DONE… Ahem. Get ready to raise your boards! Three, two, one!
Everyone raises their whiteboards, showing a variety of different handwriting.
Triangle: The Federal Republic of the Shapelands
Nonagon: The Federal Republic of the Shapelands
Square: The Federal Republic of the Shapelands
Rectangle: Republic Shapelands
Hexagon: The Federal Republic of the Shapelands
Octagon: The Feds
Pentagon: The Federal Republic of the Shapelands
Trapezoid: The Federal Republic of the Shapelands
Octagon, with his answer on his head, looks around and sees that everyone else has a different answer.
OCTAGON
Oh no.
HOST
Okay, well, I don’t think I have to say anything. Octagon and Rectangle, look around.
Rectangle looks at everyone else’s answers.
RECTANGLE
Uh- uh-h–y-hjkfdshgjfsd um… Meow…?
SQUARE
What?!
OCTAGON
WHAT?!
PENTAGON
Huh?
HEXAGON
HUH???!
TRIANGLE
WHA…????
NONAGON
Pardon me????
HOST
Jeez guys, it’s not even that serious. Even I make weird sounds. … Anyways, everybody gets a point, except Octagon and Rectangle.
The SCREEN-O-TRON 5000 raises everyone’s bars by 1, except the two who did NOT pay attention in civics.
HOST
Second question: Who was the famous poet who tried to save the old Shapelandish language through poems?
HEXAGON
What???
TRIANGLE
You…
RECTANGLE
Uh…
HOST
You guys seriously gotta stop with that. If you don’t know the answer, remember that you can take all the time you want! Hopefully you guys know where the local library is!
OCTAGON
Ugh… I thought we were out of school for good! Hexagon, why don’t you explode the Host as well?!
HEXAGON
At least we have a reason to do this! I don’t know about you, but I’m going to the library.
PENTAGON
(tired)
Guess I’m going to have to go to the library, huh…? … Mr. Host person, you said we didn’t have to go anywhere…
HOST
That’s only if you don’t know the answer. Be like Trapezoid, he’s already writing the answer down!
Camera pans to Trapezoid, absolutely LOCKED IN (Let him cook).
RECTANGLE
Come on Square, we gotta go!
SQUARE
Well we don’t have to if we already have the answer.
RECTANGLE
What do you mean- oh.
Square shows Rectangle her whiteboard, which has the answer written on it.
RECTANGLE
Wow, thanks Square!
Rectangle starts writing it down.
TRIANGLE
Uh… Nonagon?
NONAGON
I don’t think I remember his name… Guess we gotta go to the library!
TRIANGLE
Okay then, I’ll come with.
As Hexagon, Triangle, Nonagon, and Pentagon head over to the Local Library (that’s what it’s literally called), the challenge area becomes silent. Trapezoid, Rectangle, and Square are patiently waiting for everyone else to finish while Octagon’s just given up on life.
The gang are strolling over to Local Library. Hexagon gets a little impatient and proceeds to do more tomfoolery.
HEXAGON
UGHHHHHHHH this is taking too LONG…
Hexagon reaches into her nonexistent pocket and pulls out a bomb.
HEXAGON
Maybe this’ll help.
NONAGON
(as Hexagon lights the fuse)
Um… What are you doing Hexagon…?
Hexagon throws the bomb behind them.
HEXAGON
Everyone get ready!
TRIANGLE
(right before the bomb explodes)
Hexagon, why are w-
The bomb explodes, flinging the entire gang up into the air like they’re in a cartoon.
PENTAGON
(while flying in the air)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I’M SCARED OF HEIGHTS!!!!!
NONAGON
(while flying in the air)
OKAY, HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE???
TRIANGLE
(while flying in the air)
I’M STILL FIGHTING YOU LATER HEXAGOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNN-
They all hit the ground in front of the library with such force that it digs them into the dirt.
HEXAGON
The trajectory was kind of off, I was hoping to land INSIDE of the library but, whatever.
INT. CONFESSIONAL ROOM - DAY
NONAGON
Although Hexagon can be a little… crazy sometimes, she can still prove to be helpful! … I swear this is going to age poorly.
INT. LOCAL LIBRARY - DAY
The gang enters the library but finds it to be completely abandoned. However, it looks like all the books have been left untouched.
PENTAGON
Woah… seems like this place is abandoned…
NONAGON
Good thing the books are still intact, though.
PENTAGON
So are we all going to work together or-
Everyone’s already gone.
PENTAGON
Guess not.
In a different place in the library, Triangle and Nonagon are looking at different books.
TRIANGLE
… Wait, what are we looking for again?
NONAGON
We’re trying to find the name of that famous poet, remember??
TRIANGLE
Oh, right.
Nonagon and Triangle scan the books for a little bit longer, until…
NONAGON
Oh! I think I found the right book. “Famous Figures in Shapelandish History”.
TRIANGLE
Well then, let’s see what we can find.
Hexagon is lighting books that are of no interest on fire.
HEXAGON
Nope… nope… nope… nope… … Hmm…
Hexagon finds a really thick novel.
HEXAGON
Maybe that poet also wrote this book… Let’s see… It’s by Ellipse III… Good enough.
As Hexagon walks towards the entrance, she turns back and shouts to the rest of the gang.
HEXAGON
I don’t know about y’all, but I think I got my answer. See ya!
Hexagon pulls out yet another bomb, lights it, and puts it behind her. Keep in mind she is still in the library.
Once it explodes, she launches into the air and shatters the glass entrance in the process.
Pentagon, still looking for a book, hears Hexagon say “see ya” as it echoes throughout the library.
PENTAGON
Oh, Hexagon’s already done! Well, Mr. Host did say that we could take as much time as we wanted so… No sweat.
Triangle and Nonagon are sitting together looking at the different people listed in the book.
NONAGON
And I think that’s the last of the old Shapelands era. Now onto that one conflict that happened a hundred years back.
TRIANGLE
I do remember that the poet lived during the conflict, so let’s see if his name is listed here.
NONAGON
Alrighty then!
Nonagon starts reading aloud.
NONAGON
“As the new power pushed to the capital and attempted to force the shapes who crossed their path to assimilate, a young poet sought to preserve the Shapelandish language. He did this by writing countless poems in Shapelandish and publishing his works over all the Shapelands.’
TRIANGLE
I think this is it!
NONAGON
I think so too. … “Unfortunately, however, his efforts were ultimately crushed due to the new power’s sheer amount of strength. This poet went by the name of…”
EXT. HARASSMENT HILLS - DAY
Host and the contestants are just waiting for the other contestants to come back, until suddenly, Hexagon comes crashing down, planting her face onto the ground.
HEXAGON
I’m back!
HOST
Cool! … Where are the others?
HEXAGON
What? You think we were working together??
HOST
… Nevermind then. Well while we wait for the others, how about we do some ice breaking?
OCTAGON
We’ve been constantly talking with each other for three days in a row at this point. Do we really need to-
HOST
Well do YOU have any other ideas?
OCTAGON
… Okay, let’s break the ice.
HOST
Great! … Um, so what are your favorite colors, everyone?
INT. LOCAL LIBRARY - DAY
It seems that Pentagon has finally found a book that may have the answer he needs (idk why I’m wording this like an action drama novel like what).
PENTAGON
Wait, I think I got one! … ‘Famous Shapelandish Poets’.
Pentagon flips open the book and starts scanning the pages.
PENTAGON
Hopefully this is referring to poets who wrote in the Shapelandish LANGUAGE… … “As the days of the conflict leading into the modern Shapelands era went on, so did the works made in the Shapelandish language.” … Alright, so that was easy. … “One of these scholars, determined in preserving the Shapelandish language…”
NONAGON AND PENTAGON - SPLIT SCREEN
“went by the name of…” … It’s blacked out…?
NONAGON
… Why is it blacked out?
TRIANGLE
That’s strange. Maybe go to the next page.
Nonagon turns the page to find…
NONAGON
Woah. This entire PAGE is blacked out!
TRIANGLE
But it seems that this page contains more information about the guy we’re just trying to get the NAME of…
NONAGON
Could it be that… someone doesn’t WANT anyone to know about this specific poet?
TRIANGLE
… Now that you say that… It is kind of alarming. The current government were the ones assimilating the Shapelands population, right?
NONAGON
Correct.
TRIANGLE
So maybe someone affiliated with said government tried to erase the history that went along with it…
NONAGON
… And one of the methods they used is simply blacking out information about the people who promoted a language we don’t use anymore…
TRIANGLE
(genuinely confused)
But why???
NONAGON
I’m not sure…
NONAGON
(whilst flipping through the pages)
Whatever the reason, we still gotta focus on the challenge. This book is no help anymore, so we gotta find a new one.
PENTAGON
(In another part of the library)
Um… I don’t think it’s supposed to be blacked out like that… I’ll just find a new book.
Pentagon puts the book back, gets up, and starts walking around the library. As he walks deeper into the seemingly endless rows of bookshelves, it becomes darker and gloomier, until Pentagon can barely see anything.
PENTAGON
Woah… It got dark really fast…
Pentagon stumbles around until he hits an elevated glass case, containing a book in the middle. He turns around and the book’s title is in a weird foreign script, while below it says “The Laws of the Confederacy”.
PENTAGON
The… Confederacy…? Isn’t that the name of the previous…
Pentagon realizes that he’s no longer locked in and needs to focus on getting this random nerd’s damn name.
PENTAGON
Nevermind. Gotta get back to work.
EXT. HARASSMENT HILLS - DAY
Octagon is sleeping on his chair and Trapezoid continues to wait patiently. However, Square and Rectangle have gotten bored, so Rectangle is teaching Square about… something.
RECTANGLE
So once you’ve gotten the right thing out, you have to stick it in at the right angle and push it inside.
SQUARE
Okay, then?
RECTANGLE
Then you pull it out and push it back in again. Make sure to do it with a lot of force. Trust me, it doesn’t work if you do it lightly.
SQUARE
Wow, okay. I don’t know when I’ll ever need to do that but thanks for telling me, I guess?
RECTANGLE
Well, we got nothing better to do.
HOST
Seems like you know a lot about this stuff. You should start your own medical facility, or something.
RECTANGLE
… Huh. Maybe I should.
HOST
Okay, this is taking longer than I expected. Let me just hear what they’re doing…
Host leans in the direction of the library and he just hears the shuffling of books.
HOST
… They’re completely silent.
RECTANGLE
It’s kind of strange they’re taking this long…
SQUARE
Maybe they just found a really good book???
HOST
Well I can’t do anything about it since I already clearly stated that there is no time limit… So we just have to wait.
Nothing is said for a couple of seconds.
HOST
Okay, maybe this will make things easier.
SNAP
The contestants in Harassment Hills, along with the entire challenge setup, teleport in front of the library.
EXT. LOCAL LIBRARY - DAY
HOST
Now when they finally decide to come out, we don’t have to wait for them to get back to Harassment Hills.
INT. LOCAL LIBRARY - DAY
Pentagon is still wandering around the library, until he finds Triangle and Nonagon, with a mess of books all over the floor.
PENTAGON
Oh uh, hey guys.
TRIANGLE
Hi Pentagon. As you can see we’re… not exactly satisfied just yet.
PENTAGON
I can see that… … Look, we’ve been in this library for a long time already, what if we work together?
NONAGON
Yeah, at this point, if it’s taking this long to find an answer to one question, then I don’t see why not.
PENTAGON
Nice!
Pentagon sits down but accidentally pushes down a lever, which opens a trapdoor that is specifically only under Triangle. Before Triangle falls into yet another dark pit, she freezes up like a cartoon.
TRIANGLE
(while cartoonishly levitating)
ARE YOU KIDDING M-
TRIANGLE
(gets quieter)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
THUD
NONAGON
Not again…
PENTAGON
First me, now her???
NONAGON
… What?
PENTAGON
(knowing that he’s going to have to explain what happened yesterday)
Well since there’s no time limit, I guess I can tell you. So basically yesterday…
EXT. LOCAL LIBRARY - DAY
Host and Hexagon are on their phones (meaning it took so long that Host just gave phones back) while Octagon, Rectangle, and Square are sleeping.
They hear a scream coming from the library, which gets everyone’s attention.
HOST
What could possibly have them screaming… I thought this challenge was just going to be a simple quiz show but n- Oh you guys are already going in.
Host realizes that the contestants are already going in to investigate.
INT. LOCAL LIBRARY - DAY
RECTANGLE
(while running into the library)
Come on Square, we gotta g-
SQUARE
Can’t you say something else for once…?
RECTANGLE
… Come o-
EXT. LOCAL LIBRARY - DAY
Hexagon gets a bomb, lights it, places it behind her… you know the drill by now.
The bomb flings her up into the air and to the library.
INT. LOCAL LIBRARY - DAY
PENTAGON
(to Nonagon)
And then we realized the elevator didn’t work, so-
Pentagon is cut off by Hexagon crashing through the roof and landing straight into the pit.
HEXAGON
Oh shoot what the he-
THUD
Nonagon looks down to see that Triangle and Hexagon are on top of each other (NOT IN A WEIRD WAY [GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER]).
NONAGON
Are you kidding me…
Host teleports behind Nonagon.
HOST
Alright, what happened- oh.
Host sees the open trapdoor and looks down. Hexagon and Triangle are looking back up like they’ve had enough of this bullcrap.
TRIANGLE
(in the pit)
Yeah, just… get us out.
HOST
Wow, you guys need to stop falling into pits.
SNAP
Host teleports everyone to the challenge setup in front of the library.
EXT. LOCAL LIBRARY - DAY
HOST
Okay, I hope nobody says yes, but… Does anyone want to go back into the library to find their answer…?
Nobody says anything for a couple of seconds.
TRIANGLE
No.
HOST
PHEW! Then write your answers down so we can finally move on!
WHITEBOARD NOISES
TRIANGLE
(softly, to Nonagon)
Wait… did we even get his name?
NONAGON
Let’s just take the L at this point.
HOST
Seems like everyone’s done…
HEXAGON
N-
HOST
Shut it. Everybody raise your boards in three! Two! One!
Triangle: nerd
Nonagon: I give up
Square: Ellipse Sr.
Rectangle: Ellipse Sr.
Hexagon: Ellipse III
Octagon: your mom
Pentagon: Eclipse
Trapezoid: Ellipse Sr.
HOST
So, unlike the last question, we have a variety of different answers. Before I reveal the correct answer, I will say at least one person got it right!
Hexagon looks at the other whiteboards.
HEXAGON
Was it me?
HOST
No. The correct answer is… Ellipse Sr! You were one generation off, Hexagon.
PENTAGON
Oh so that’s what his name was!
TRIANGLE
… Technically, am I wrong?
HOST
Okay well I was asking for their NAME. With that being said, Rectangle, Trapezoid, and Square get a point!
SCREEN-O-TRON 5000 Current points:
Triangle - 1
Nonagon - 1
Square - 2
Rectangle - 1
Hexagon - 1
Octagon - 0
Pentagon - 1
Trapezoid - 2
HOST
Third question: What’s one plus one?
RECTANGLE
Um…
SQUARE
Math isn’t my strong suit…
RECTANGLE
Me neither…
SQUARE
Okay, how about we… think of our own answers then compare them?
RECTANGLE
Sounds good…
Octagon, sitting right next to them, acknowledges that both of them are dumbasses.
OCTAGON
… There’s no way you guys are serious.
RECTANGLE
Well then how about you tell us the answer, smartypants?!
OCTAGON
It’s two.
RECTANGLE
Hm… How can we know you’re not just blatantly lying to us right now? … Do you think he’s telling the truth, Square?
SQUARE
I don’t trust him…
OCTAGON
You gotta be kidding me.
TRIANGLE
(to Nonagon)
It’s eleven, right?
NONAGON
Really?
TRIANGLE
Hey I’m just making sure!
NONAGON
Um… sure…
TRIANGLE
Okay then!
RECTANGLE
(to Square)
Alright so I got this.
SQUARE
(looking over)
I think that’s right…?
HOST
How is it taking you guys this long…?
RECTANGLE
Well we didn’t expect a math exam!
HOST
… Okay, looks like everyone’s ready, so raise your boards in three, two, one!
Triangle: 11
Nonagon: 2
Square: window
Rectangle: window
Hexagon: 2
Octagon: 2
Pentagon: 2
Trapezoid: 2
HOST
(in disbelief)
… There’s no way you guys- IT’S TWO! If you have one potato, and you get another potato, then you have TWO POTATOES! … Whatever.
INT. CONFESSIONAL ROOM - DAY
OCTAGON
At this point, it’s their loss. Like, how could you be so stupid to not know the most BASIC math equation, probably the FIRST one you EVER learn??? I don’t get it.
EXT. LOCAL LIBRARY - DAY
SCREEN-O-TRON 5000 Current points:
Triangle - 1
Nonagon - 2
Square - 2
Rectangle - 1
Hexagon - 2
Octagon - 1
Pentagon - 2
Trapezoid - 3
TRIANGLE
(to Nonagon)
Wh- Nonagon! I thought you said it was 11!
NONAGON
I thought you were just kidding!
TRIANGLE
… Host person, can we PLEASE get easier questions??
HOST
I- you- …………… Trapezoid’s the only one that has gotten every single question right so far, so he’s in the lead!
PENTAGON
Wow, good job Trapezoid!
HOST
Fourth question!
OCTAGON
(impatiently)
How long is this going to go?
HOST
It’ll go for as long as I want, unless you want me to end it now, but you’ll be in danger of getting the boot.
OCTAGON
Nevermind, carry on.
HOST
Fourth question: Who was the first contestant eliminated in this competition?
TRIANGLE
When I asked for easier questions, I didn’t mean THAT easy!
HOST
Alright then, the next one will be harder.
TRIANGLE
Wait no-
HEXAGON
(to Octagon)
Hey Octagon, we should get this question wrong on purpose just to piss off the Host!
OCTAGON
You know, Hexagon. Making people mad isn’t exactly the right thing to do, I would know.
But it’ll be funny, so sure why not.
HEXAGON
So, what are we gonna write?
OCTAGON
Hmm, let’s put Rhombus, her elimination was hilarious.
HEXAGON
Works for me.
RECTANGLE
(to Square)
Uhmm… Uhh… Who got out first??? Square, can you help me out?
SQUARE
Come on, sis. It’s not that hard.
RECTANGLE
Wow, thanks for the tip. Anyways…
TRIANGLE
(to Nonagon)
Well, free points are free points.
NONAGON
(to Triangle)
You can say that again!
HOST
Ok, there’s absolutely NO WAY you guys can get this wrong. Right?
Oh, the irony.
HOST
Alright, everyone show their answers in three, two, one!
Triangle: Circle
Nonagon: Circle
Square: Circle
Rectangle: uH
Hexagon: Rhombus
Octagon: Rhombus
Pentagon: Circle
Trapezoid: Circle
HOST
(In utter shock.)
You’ve got to be kidding me. I- HOW!!!
OCTAGON AND HEXAGON
Because it’s funny.
Host is visibly agitated.
HOST
Also Rectangle? How did you get the answer wrong as well???
RECTANGLE
Remembering things isn’t my strong suit either.
SCREEN-O-TRON 5000 Current points:
Triangle - 2
Nonagon - 3
Square - 3
Rectangle - 1
Hexagon - 2
Octagon - 1
Pentagon - 3
Trapezoid - 4
HOST
…
I got exiled and I’m still smarter than you.
RECTANGLE
Wh-
HOST
(cutting Rectangle off)
Fifth question.
HOST
What exact date was the Day of Banishment?
EVERYONE BESIDES TRAPEZOID
The what?
HOST
Come on, this is simple history knowledge.
TRIANGLE
Shoot! I don’t know, Nonagon.
NONAGON
Me neither.
TRIANGLE
Let’s go into the library again.
Literally everyone hears Triangle.
Everyone besides Trapezoid books it to the library, leaving Triangle in the dust.
TRIANGLE
W-Wait for me!
Before Triangle starts running into the library as well, Triangle notices Trapezoid.
TRIANGLE
Oh, hey Trapezoid. You already know the answer?
Trapezoid blinks.
TRIANGLE
Alright, well I’m not a cheater, so I’ll just, go to the library. See ya.
Triangle runs into the library.
Meanwhile Trapezoid writes down his answer.
HOST
Wow Trapezoid, how come you’re the only contestant with a perfect score so far?
Trapezoid blinks three times.
HOST
Such a way of words, Trapezoid.
INT. LOCAL LIBRARY - DAY
Triangle arrives to see nothing but chaos. The library is filled with panic. Books flying around, people screaming to find the answer.
For a couple of seconds, it shows Pentagon accidentally knocking over the glass case that held the “Laws of the Confederacy” book, so he takes the book and puts it in his nonexistent pocket.
TRIANGLE
What the heck is going on in here?? It was better with only four shapes… Ehh, whatever. Just gotta find a history book!
Triangle notices Hexagon in the History Section looking at a book about terrorist attacks.
TRIANGLE
Hexagon, what are you doing?
HEXAGON
Oh, shoot. Sorry? Got a bit invested in this book.
TRIANGLE
Hexagon, you can look at that later, we gotta find the-
OCTAGON
ANSWER!!! THE ANSWER IS MAY 7, YEAR 908!
Everyone besides Triangle and Hexagon heard what he said.
OCTAGON
Oops. Probably shouldn’t have yelled that.
Everyone “books” it back to the challenge area to write their answers.
HEXAGON
Wait! Octagon!
Octagon stops.
OCTAGON
Huh?
HEXAGON
What’s the answer again? I didn’t hear.
OCTAGON
You know, I WOULD tell you, but I’m falling behind on points, better listen next time!!!
HEXAGON
WAIT OCTAGON NO!!! … He’s getting bombed later-
TRIANGLE
Stop having hallucinations about your Octagon fantasies! We gotta go find the book.
Hexagon and Triangle frantically search for the history book Octagon found.
After about 10 seconds, they find it.
TRIANGLE
I FOUND IT!
HEXAGON
Okay then, go to the right page!
TRIANGLE
I’m trying.. Where is it? WHY ARE THERE SO MANY PAGES?!?! 2763?????
HEXAGON
That doesn’t matter, just find the right one already!
TRIANGLE
I’m trying!
Triangle flips through the pages.
TRIANGLE
I FOUND I- Wait, why is the page ripped out????
HEXAGON
Huh??? Then where is it??
Hexagon looks at their surroundings and finds a paper shredder.
HEXAGON
Wh- Is that a paper shredder???
TRIANGLE
Did someone shred the page?
HEXAGON
Probably Octagon after he screamed the answer…
TRIANGLE
Well, since nobody’s gonna tell us, we might as well just guess. I don’t want to stay in this library any longer.
EXT. LOCAL LIBRARY - DAY
Triangle and Hexagon go back to write their answers.
HOST
Is everyone ready?
Everyone nods.
HOST
Alright, well then show your answers in three-
TRIANGLE
Don’t you think that countdown gets a bit annoying after a couple of times?
HOST
Fine, just show your answers then.
Triangle: April 20, 889
Nonagon: May 7, 908
Square: May 7, 908
Rectangle: May 7, 908
Hexagon: September 11, 901
Octagon: May 7, 908
Pentagon: May 7, 908
Trapezoid: May 7, 908
HOST
Looks like everyone got it correct! … Except Triangle and Hexagon.
NONAGON
How did you guys not hear Octagon say the answer?
TRIANGLE AND HEXAGON
We weren’t paying attention!
NONAGON
Still, did you just not find the book he read for the date?
TRIANGLE
The page was ripped out and shredded!
NONAGON
I- who would do something so awful like that???
HEXAGON
That’s what I said!
SCREEN-O-TRON 5000 Current points:
Triangle - 2
Nonagon - 4
Square - 4
Rectangle - 2
Hexagon - 2
Octagon - 2
Pentagon - 4
Trapezoid - 5
HOST
Since I did not expect you guys to take so long on the SECOND question, we’re going to just have ONE MORE QUESTION!
TRIANGLE
What.
HOST
I would say I’m doing you guys a favor. By the way, did I ever mention that the three shapes with the least amount of points will be in danger?
HEXAGON
What?!
TRIANGLE
WHAT?!
RECTANGLE
Oh no…
OCTAGON
OH NO!!!
Octagon looks at the SCREEN-O-TRON 5000. He’s in the bottom 3.
HOST
(while Octagon is still looking at the SCREEN-O-TRON 5000)
Why do you guys just start doing that all of a sudden? Are my announcements really that surprising??
Octagon does a Scooby Doo-ahh gulp knowing that he’s in danger!
HOST
Last question: …
There is a long, overly-dramatic pause…
HOST
(really quickly)
… Loser says what?
OCTAGON
What?
RECTANGLE
What?
HOST
HA! I actually got some of you!
RECTANGLE
What do you mean??
SQUARE
(to Rectangle)
He said “loser says what”.
RECTANGLE
Oh, darn.
OCTAGON
Wh- NO! YOU CAN’T DO THAT!
HOST
Should’ve thinked twice before saying “what”!
OCTAGON
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
HOST
(while Octagon is still screaming)
Chill dude, it’s not like you’re immediately eliminated!
OCTAGON
AAAAA- oh. Um… You guys didn’t see anything.
NONAGON
(to Triangle)
Not gonna lie, that was kind of funny.
SCREEN-O-TRON 5000 Current points:
Triangle - 3
Nonagon - 5
Square - 5
Rectangle - 2
Hexagon - 3
Octagon - 2
Pentagon - 5
Trapezoid - 6
HOST
If you look at the SCREEN-O-TRON, then you can see your final scores! Notice anything?
PENTAGON
Yay! Looks like I won’t be going tonight!
RECTANGLE
(anxiously)
Looks like I WILL be going tonight…
TRIANGLE
(to Host)
Wait… Didn’t you say that the bottom three were gonna be in danger? But me and Hexagon are tied for bottom three!
HOST
Good observation, Triangle! About that… You know how you wanted to fight Hexagon earlier?
TRIANGLE
Yeah, and I still do.
HEXAGON
Still, you can TRY.
HOST
I think you know where this is going.
TRIANGLE
What, am I going to fight Hexagon for immu- oh. … Yeah um can we just postpone that fight I don’t think I’m ready I mean like-
While Triangle is trying to reason with Host, he puts on a devious grin.
HOST
(while Triangle is talking)
Nope!
SNAP
Host snaps to teleport them all back to Harassment Hills. The contestants, except for Triangle and Hexagon, are lined up in a spectator manner, and Host is in the middle of Triangle and Hexagon, who are facing each other.
EXT. HARASSMENT HILLS - DAY
HOST
(to Triangle and Hexagon)
You two will be fighting in an all-out physical battle for immunity! If you die, the other shape gets a point. Don’t come back to life until the point has been added. The first one to five points wins!
The SCREEN-O-TRON 5000 does a cool animation where it removes all of the contestant’s bars except for Triangle and Hexagon’s, and resets theirs to 0.
HOST
Do any of you need a weapon?
HEXAGON
No, I think I’m good.
TRIANGLE
Um… I think I do-
HOST
Alrighty then, here’s a sword.
A sword appears above Triangle. Triangle catches the sword and looks towards Hexagon, who is ready to win.
RANDOM ANNOUNCER VOICE
ROUND 1… GO!
Hexagon pulls out water balloons and throws them at Triangle in an attempt to throw her off. Triangle slices the water balloons like Fruit Ninja.
Hexagon takes note that this is not working so, she just pulls out a gun and shoots Triangle, knocking her to the ground.
HOST
It seems like Hexagon wins the first round!
BEEP
The score is now 0-1.
RANDOM ANNOUNCER VOICE
ROUND 2… GO!
TRIANGLE
Well, two can play at that game.
Triangle pulls out a pistol, aims it at Hexagon, and shoots.
However, Hexagon is a step ahead and she pulls out a freaking katana and slices the bullet right down the middle.
TRIANGLE
(in utter disbelief)
What the f-
Hexagon shoots Triangle once again before she can finish her exclamation.
HEXAGON
I do admit, it was a nice try.
Rectangle, being a spectator, looks like she’s locked in on the fight.
PENTAGON
(to Rectangle)
Gee Rectangle, you’re really invested in this, huh?
RECTANGLE
Oh what huh what?- Oh. Yeah, it’s cool.
BEEP
The score is now 0-2.
INT. CONFESSIONAL ROOM - DAY
NONAGON
Yeah, remember what I said about Hexagon? Nevermind. She’s gone mad.
EXT. HARASSMENT HILLS - DAY
RANDOM ANNOUNCER VOICE
ROUND 3… GO!
HEXAGON
Hmm… I’m getting kind of bored. How about we play with some… bombs?
Triangle hears Hexagon say this and gets a quick flashback to Shapeoff 1, where Hexagon bombards Triangle while they’re racing down the mountain.
TRIANGLE
Oh no you DON’T!!
Hexagon starts the endless bombardment but Triangle manages to run up to Hexagon. However, Hexagon notices this and just slices Triangle using the katana.
HOST
Jeez, Hexagon’s on a roll! She just needs to murder Triangle two more times and she’ll win immunity!
BEEP
The score is now 0-3.
Triangle, dead on the grass, comes back to life after hearing this.
TRIANGLE
No. THAT’S IT! I’LL SHOW YOU NEXT ROUND, HEXAGON.
HEXAGON
If you say so!
RANDOM ANNOUNCER VOICE
ROUND 4… GO!
Triangle takes her sword and lunges towards Hexagon. Hexagon quickly notices her moves and pulls out a sword as well. They do close combat with swords for a moment, but it’s broken as Triangle rolls back.
However, as Triangle is getting up from the roll, she already sees that there’s a bomb in the air, heading right towards her.
She catches the bomb and flings it back to Hexagon, the bomb being lodged inside her mouth. While in a state of panic, Hexagon blows up, ending the round.
BEEP
The score is now 1-3.
NONAGON
WOOHOO! YOU GO GIRL!!!
OCTAGON
Damn, that was kinda cool. You might actually win this after all!
Hexagon comes back to life.
HEXAGON
I will admit, that was pretty cool. But we’re not finished yet.
HOST
(to Triangle)
Hexagon’s right! You still need to kill her four more times to secure immunity!
TRIANGLE
(determined)
Alright, then I will.
RANDOM ANNOUNCER VOICE
ROUND 5… GO!
Hexagon fires a shot immediately, but Triangle dodges the bullet.
TRIANGLE
Ha! You thought that was going to work?
HEXAGON
Kind of, but it doesn’t matter.
Hexagon pulls out an M134 GAU-17 Gatling Gun, which can fire up to 6,000 rounds per minute.
TRIANGLE
Really.
Hexagon starts firing while Triangle frantically runs around in an attempt to dodge the bullets.
OCTAGON
(while Hexagon is still firing away in her dismay)
I knew Hexagon was crazy but I didn’t think she was THIS crazy. I like it.
A bullet finally hits Triangle, sending her to the ground. Although Triangle’s already dead, Hexagon continues to fire rounds as the gatling gun slows down.
Rectangle stares into Triangle’s corpse, for some reason.
HOST
It’s the game point! Will Triangle make an epic comeback, or will Hexagon secure immunity?!
BEEP
The score is now 1-4.
Triangle gets up in a not-so-good condition, completely covered in wounds.
NONAGON
Jeez Triangle, you good? Maybe you should ask the Host to take a br-
TRIANGLE
No. We settle this HERE, and NOW. I’m DONE being a loser in every single challenge. First Hexagon completely cheats her way to victory in the first challenge, then I fall into a dark pit and get stuck for a day, then I fall into ANOTHER pit, and NOW I’m going to risk being booted from the game for the SECOND TIME… I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS BULLCRAP. HEXAGON, YOU’RE. GOING. DOWN.
RANDOM ANNOUNCER VOICE
ROUND 6… GO!
Triangle channels all of her anger and makes a mad dash to Hexagon, sword in hand.
TRIANGLE
(angrily)
aaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
The mad dash suddenly stops as Hexagon simply shoots Triangle with a pistol, thus ending the fight.
HEXAGON
Whew, good game!
HOST
And that concludes Triangle and Hexagon’s fight for immunity, with Hexagon coming up on top by a long shot! That means that Rectangle, Octagon, and Triangle will be up for elimination tonight.
RECTANGLE
Oh no… Square, whatever happens-
SQUARE
Yeah yeah, just win, or whatever…
HOST
At sundown I’ll come back to start the elimination! See you guys then!
Nonagon goes over to Triangle, just lying on the ground, depressed.
NONAGON
(to Triangle)
You okay?
TRIANGLE
… No. I just can’t do this anymore.
NONAGON
Come on, we just gotta convince the others that you’re not worth voting o-
TRIANGLE
And for what? For me to die to even more of Hexagon’s shenanigans? For me to fall into yet another pit? … I don’t want to do this anymore. Just vote me out.
NONAGON
What?! NO! You can’t just give up that easily!!!
TRIANGLE
Vote me out and win this for me.
NONAGON
… And what if you don’t go?
TRIANGLE
Then I’ll keep going. But now’s my chance to get out of this hellhole, so I might as well take it.
NONAGON
… Fine.
OCTAGON
(to Hexagon)
Um… So, who are you voting for??
HEXAGON
As much as I hate to say it, I kind of feel bad for Triangle for sucking so badly in that fight, so I’ll vote Rectangle.
OCTAGON
Phew… Um… I guess I’m voting Rectangle too. She keeps saying “CoMe On SqUaRe” all the time and it drives me nuts.
Pentagon walks over to Triangle and Nonagon.
PENTAGON
(to Triangle)
Hey Triangle, how are you doing?
TRIANGLE
Hey Pentagon.
PENTAGON
… I know it may seem like the world’s against you, but at least you have me and Nonagon!
TRIANGLE
Yeah, I guess that’s true.
PENTAGON
If it helps, I won’t be voting for you tonight.
TRIANGLE
Thanks.
NONAGON
Oh yeah, do you wanna continue your story, Pentagon?
PENTAGON
(slowly fading away)
Sure! So we realized the elevator was broken, so then I was told that we would have to go through-
The camera moves up into the sky, where the Sun is. The time then switches to sundown, where the sky is orange and red and sundown-y.
The camera pans back down to Pentagon, Triangle, and Nonagon. Pentagon seems to be wrapping up his story.
PENTAGON
Then I was finally out, but I didn’t know anything about the challenge, so I had to sprint all the way b-
POP
Host teleports in the middle of the group.
HOST
Time for the elimination!
PENTAGON
(to Nonagon and Triangle)
That’s pretty much it anyways.
SNAP
EXT. VOTING AREA - SUNDOWN
HOST
You guys know the drill by now. Step into the booth, say something if you want to, and cast your vote.
INT. VOTING BOOTH - SUNDOWN
PENTAGON
Just as I said, I’m not voting Triangle, so might as well just vote Rectangle.
SQUARE
Triangle’s speech was pretty good, and Rectangle’s my sister so that wouldn’t make sense, so I’m voting Octagon, because of the process of elimination.
RECTANGLE
What if I just pick randomly?
Rectangle draws something that is not shown on camera.
RECTANGLE
Here goes… eeny meeny miny moe, catch a tiger by the t-
TRIANGLE
If I haven’t made it apparent yet, I’m voting for myself tonight. If I end up going, then that’s fine. If I don’t, then that’s… also fine.
NONAGON
… I don’t want to vote Triangle… I really don’t… but maybe she can be happier not competing. I just want the best for her…
EXT. VOTING AREA - DAY
Trapezoid steps out of the voting booth, being the last one to cast a vote.
HOST
Alright! Since everyone’s done voting, I’ll just read the votes!
Host grabs the votes from inside the booth using an elongated arm.
HOST
So, does anyone have any predictions?
Nobody says anything.
HOST
… Moving on, the first vote is… Rectangle.
RECTANGLE
Oh dear…
HEXAGON
Shh!!! We need dramatic effect!
HOST
Second vote, Triangle. One vote Rectangle, one vote Triangle.
Nonagon looks at Triangle, who herself looks absolutely destroyed (mentally AND physically).
HOST
Third vote, Rectangle.
Rectangle is visibly shaking at this point (overreacting much??).
HOST
Fourth vote, Rectangle. Rectangle has three votes, while Triangle only has one.
HOST
Fifth vote, Triangle.
The camera focuses on Triangle, even though she’s not doing anything movement-wise.
HOST
Sixth vote, Octagon. Three votes Rectangle, two votes Triangle, one vote Octagon. Two votes left.
HOST
Seventh vote, Triangle. Octagon is safe from being eliminated. Rectangle and Triangle are tied with three votes each.
OCTAGON
(quietly)
Phew.
HOST
This last vote is either for Rectangle or Triangle. The fourth shape not getting control of the Shapelands is…
Rectangle can’t take it anymore.
RECTANGLE
NO!!! I’M SORRY EVERYONE I DIDN’T KNOW YOU GUYS DIDN’T LIKE ME I PROMISE I’LL BE BETTER ONCE THIS IS ALL OVER I KNOW I’VE BEEN KIND OF-
HOST
Triangle. I’m sorry, but you’re eliminated.
RECTANGLE
Oh.
TRIANGLE
Oh…
PENTAGON
Oh…
TRAPEZOID
(silence)
TRIANGLE
I… I didn’t really know what I was expecting.
Nonagon goes over to sit by Triangle. She puts an arm around her.
TRIANGLE
Win this for me, alright?
Nonagon nods.
Triangle gets up and stands in front of everyone.
TRIANGLE
(camera pans to different people while she’s speeching her heart out)
Well, guess this is goodbye, guys. We had fun, right? Made friends, did things together. It was a great time. Well, for you guys. When we first started I was excited, I’m a very competitive person, it was a nice break from the boring old life I had. But, some rather unfortunate things started to happen. I’ve been bombarded by a million different things by Hexagon, fallen into so many pits, and just have been drained mentally and physically. I want you guys to know that I voted for myself tonight. I’m glad I got to compete, I didn’t have many friends before this competition, and I feel like I’ve bonded with about everyone here. But I just can’t anymore, it’s seriously taken a toll on me. Maybe it’s not my place to have control, because I can’t handle a little competition. I don’t know where I’ll be going, but. My old life sounds better than this. Goodbye guys.
PENTAGON
… Well, I’m glad I got to compete with you, I’m sure Oval would be proud of you. Well, goodbye now.
HEXAGON
See ya, Triangle. It sure was a blast to torture you! Haha!
Triangle looks agitated at Hexagon. She then turns around to Host.
TRIANGLE
Host, I’m ready. Just clap me already.
HOST
Excuse m- … Nevermind, I’ll just…
CLAP
HOST
I didn’t know this show took such a toll on others… Well, I promise to be a better host. So, anyone up for a game of charades?
EVERYONE EXCEPT TRAPEZOID
Sure.
The camera pans up to the night sky, and the credits roll.
Shapeoff 4: Mind the Gap
Written by Timothy Stepanus
Co-Written by Colton T. BOZO (he’s very sad after this)
EXT. HARASSMENT HILLS (POST CREDITS SCENE) - NIGHT
Pentagon’s alone. He pulls out the “Laws of the Confederacy” book and takes a good, stern look at it.
There’s a dramatic black screen.